Meet the Parents
by MalKontent
Summary: Just a few short tales of Nick & Judy meeting their respective families. Most likely short, definitely sweet and hopefully something you'll enjoy. First up; Meeting Nick's mother.
1. Graduation Day

The first time Judy Hopps meets Nick's mother is at the presentation where he is acknowledged, publicly, as having graduated the Zootopia Police Academy as their first fox officer.

Judy's eyes scan the entire crowd as she makes her speech and the hint of a red and white muzzle catches her eye. She's had practice at talking in these situations now, and doesn't give Nick (who is standing not too far away) any clue of what she's seen sitting behind and slightly to the left of the soon-to-be-rookie giraffe cadet's parents.

The speech ends, she pins his brand-new badge to his chest, Nick salutes her and gives an honest, relaxed smile as he does it. The gathered families cheer, cadets-become-rookies throw their caps in celebration and the polite cheese-and-nibbles mingling at the nearby gazebo begins. Judy sticks close-by, smiling softly as Nick greets, charms and deflects the dozens of mammals offering congratulations, pawshakes, the occasional pat on the back and shared jokes of fellow graduates until they're pretty much at the punch-bowl. It's warm, after all, and standing beside the table the bowl is perched on is the same fox from the back row.

"Hey, mom." Nick said, lasting all of two seconds before his mother wraps her arms around him.

"Oh my stars, Nicky," she says, releasing him only to put her paws on his jawline and lift gently to make him stand up straight and proud again. "Just look at you! I'm so proud of you. If I don't get invited to a wedding in the next year I'll be _very_ surprised."

Judy's eyes widen and she nearly starts giggling. Nick has gone from 'proud, upstanding citizen' to 'embarrassed eight-year-old' and furtively looks around as he grinds out between clenched teeth a desperate "Please, mom, not _now_!" before giving a rather loud laugh, stepping back a little so Judy is now acting like a defensive barrier between the pair. "Say, have you met Judy Hopps yet? First ever police-bunny and the one to get me here."

Judy schools her face back into a pleasant _pleased to meet ya_ smile instead of the cheeky snickering one she'd been sporting while 'Nicky' was enduring motherly love. If Nick's mother noticed, she certainly doesn't show it. "Hello there, Mrs Wilde." Judy said, reaching a paw out to shake before she too is caught within a heartfelt hug.

"None of that, now, Judy; call me Vivian. Has my boy been giving you any trouble? Always getting up to something, so he was." came the voice from her shoulder. Mrs- er, _Vivian_ let go, still on one knee and with her paws on Judy's shoulders. Vivian's eyes half-closed, her eyebrows raising slightly and a sly, slightly toothy smirk that was _all_ Nick slowly crossed her face as she mock-whispered "Remind me to tell you about the time he took all his clothes off and ran around the park when he was a pup."

Judy let out a loud 'HA!' before clamping a paw over her mouth. Hers was swiftly joined by a larger one as Nick stepped back in to defend his honour with an almost-growled "Dammit mom, _please_!". Vivian stood up, the tip of her tail lazily flicking from side to side beneath her ankle-length dress and chuckled.

"You're still my little kit, Nicky. It's a mother's prerogative to make you blush and fluster. Now act like a real Reynard and get us some drinks please."

Nick moved to the punch-bowl, beginning to ladle out a trio of glasses as Judy and Vivian moved away to one of the table-and-chair sets for animals of their stature. Granted, Judy still had to keep her back a bit straighter in order to sit at a height somewhere close to 'normal', but it was worth it. "It's really nice to meet you, Vivian. Nick was a great help during my first case and I'm really pleased he's come to join us at the ZPD. We'll all look after him for you."

Vivian grinned again. "I'm glad he put himself to good use; let me guess, he was a bit of a handful at first and tried to be all gruff and play that silly 'I'm better than you so leave me be' routine?" she said.

"I- er..."

Vivian chuckled again. "You don't even need to admit it, sweetie. He's a bit rough at first, like you're scratching his ears too hard or brushing his fur against the grain but he warms up eventually."

Judy smiled, her front teeth popping out from below her lip. "That's pretty much it exactly. He's a great friend now we've had some time to get used to each other. I'm sure he'll get on really well with everyone else at the precinct too."

Nick slid smoothly into one of the two free chairs at the table, placing tall glasses filled with honey-coloured punch in front of the two ladies. The third glass he held onto, sipping it and sighing a little in satisfaction at the taste. "Yup, friends with everyone. It's my natural charm, Carrots." he said, winking at Judy. He gave a yip that was mostly surprise and a little pain when Vivian's left paw clipped his right ear.

"Nicholas Piberius Wilde, you had _better_ apologise right now! This young lady has a _name_ and you will _use it._ Now what do you say?"

Nick rubbed his ear with a paw and looked side-long at Judy. "I'm sorry, Judes- ah, I mean, Judy."

"That's alright Nick," Judy said, still watching the two foxes with a little surprise even as Vivian smiled at her son behaving and correcting himself, "and it's okay Vivian. I don't mind when he calls me Carrots. It's kind-of grown on me."

"Yeah, mom. It's not mean if she likes it." Nick grumbled, still feigning injury by rubbing the tip of his ear.

"Even so, Nicky, we're in polite company and it would do you well to be on your best behaviour. I nearly had a heart-attack seeing you in those silly glasses; I hope you're not going to be wearing them out and about." Vivian said.

"No mom." Nick said, griping a little. Those shades were _cool_.

The trio chatted, sharing a few stories between them. A heavily censored and edited version of the Nighthowler case was given by Nick and Judy, a few of the more hilarious and embarrassment-laden tales of Nick's youth, a couple of stories about some not-quite-cons that had been played against some of the more deserving victims and a small flurry of anecdotes about being one of almost three hundred siblings helping to pass the time and bring the three a little closer. Laughter and happiness was in no short supply during the hours that the graduation lasted and a fair share of it came from their table until, at long last, it was time to part ways.

Vivian wiped a little excess moisture from the corner of her eye as she finished telling Judy the promised tale of a rambunctiously-naked Nicky, the rabbit practically bent double as she laughed at the misadventures of her friend who seemed to be glowing red beneath his fur, eyes focused down at his lap as he hoped the ground would swallow him whole.

"Oh my. That was a great day, let me tell you. It was almost worth the feeling of horror, having _every other mammal_ there over the age of ten looking at you in shock as your child somehow convinces every mammal _under_ the age of ten to strip off completely to go play in the fountain. It was a warm day, in fairness, but my word..." Vivian said.

"Sweet cheese and crackers, Nick! You should have gone into politics if you were _that_ good at getting people to do what you said." Judy said between giggles. Nick, for his part, just seemed to try and shrink into his chair more as he muttered under his breath.

"Ah," Vivian sighed, quickly checking the small watch around her wrist. "Oh dear, I've got to run. I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer, sweetheart, but I have to head out. I've got to take minutes for the meeting at the social club tonight and I honestly think if I told Judy any more about you then you'd start digging your way out under the table."

Nick looked up, standing as his mother did and giving her a quick hug while still grumbling about over-sharing information. Judy scooted off her chair as well, stepping around and accepting a final hug goodbye from the vixen. They parted after a few moments and Judy smiled up at Vivian.

"It's been a real pleasure meeting you, Vivian. I really hope we get to talk again sometime soon. I'll have to see if I can bribe Nick with some Hopps Family Blueberries."

"You do that, dear. I might even steal some away myself if he doesn't hog the punnet. I'll see you both later!" Vivian said, turning to give Nick a swift peck on the cheek before walking away, a light and airy wave a final gesture of her departure.

Nick and Judy watched a few seconds more before Vivian was swallowed by the crowd, smiling after her before Nick opened his mouth.

"If you breathe a single _word_ of anything she told you, they won't find your fluffy, cottontailed, long-eared body, Carrots."

"Oh, Piberius... my dear, innocent Nicky... how wrong you are." came Judy's reply.

Nick had just enough time to look down, register that Judy was doing a really quite impressive impersonation of his lazy-stare-smirk at him, and that she was holding a small piece of orange plastic. His eyes widened with a pure unrestrained fear, time seemed to start moving through syrup, and the most ominous sound of all echoed throughout his entire existence.

 _Click_.


	2. Foot-Induced Amnesia

Nick doesn't actually remember the first time he met Judy's parents. Nick had gotten some time away from the precinct some three months into his new career following a rather unfortunate incident involving a foot-chase, being barged aside by the suspect and cracking his head against a rather large and painfully full garbage dumpster. The resulting concussion had forced the approval of sick-days and the borderline-workaholic bunny that was his partner had lasted about four hours into her solo shift before Bogo gave her time off too just to get her out of his horns.

Judy had swiftly arranged for her mother and father to come visit for a day or two, finding a cheap hotel that was a comfortable distance from her small apartment. _Not too close for comfort and just close enough to not worry_ had been Judy's wording. Nick remembered the nervous feeling in his guts at that phrase, wondering if Judy had it as bad sometimes with maternal and paternal affection as he did, but figured that the middle-aged rabbits couldn't be any worse than when his mom had shown him up at the graduation.

The memories of the day the meeting happened are fragmented at best, and most likely disorganised. For some reason whenever he tries to bring everything to mind months later he can smell a curious blend of cinnamon and cabbage that shouldn't _really_ be as enticing as his neurons make him think. Likewise, Nick doesn't think that he met Judy outside of central station before he got dressed that morning. About the only thing he remembers with absolute clarity is the shriek that Stuart Hopps let out of his chubby face before jumping foot-first at Nick's head and socking him in the same spot that the dumpster got him, the ground doing likewise as he hits the deck with his muzzle and it all goes black.

* * *

Nick eventually remembers the second time he met Judy's parents; he's laid out on a bench just outside the station with an unfamiliar female bunny who looks like a more matronly version of his partner pulling his eyelids open and looking into them worriedly. He could hear some odd high-pitched whine that reminds him of the time Finnick set off a firecracker to wake him up and pushes himself up enough to see a chubby-cheeked brown rabbit in overalls holding a battered green baseball cap in front of his chest like it's a protective talisman while a grey blur he recognised as Judy gesticulated wildly, little paws stabbing back and forth in pointing motions as her mouth moved at a mile a minute and her eyes burned with fury.

Nick opened his mouth to say 'Hi', but what comes out instead sounds very much like "The rut broke my faythe?" before it all goes black again.

* * *

The third time Nick meets Judy's parents is the next morning, and he's cogent enough to not have to work at unearthing this memory. At the time, he'd woken up believing he'd teleported somehow to Judy's apartment after leaving his home that morning, finding himself splayed out face-down on her bed with his tail and his right limbs hanging off and brushing the floor. He blinked blearily, saw Judy sitting near the door with her phone in her paws, then yawned. "Hey," he said, "what-" and stopped. His mouth felt off somehow and a cursory probing with his tongue located a small gap just behind one of his main canine teeth. "Did... did I loothe a tooth?"

Judy blushes, looking down at her lap and mumbles a demure _uh-huh_.

"I. What? Did I get in a fight?"

 _Uh-huh._

"Carrot'th- uh, Carrots. Who did I get in a fight with? Do you know?"

 _Uh-huh._

Judy finally looks at him, tears in her eyes and her mouth slightly downturned. She's genuinely depressed and Nick can't help but wonder if it's his fault. Did he crack-wise too hard at last? Was it Delgato during a night at the cop-bar? Some street-thug during a case? Professor Plum in the Billiards Room with the eighteen-wheeler that was still blasting it's horn behind his eyes?

"It was my dad."

Nick's eyebrows raise and he squeezes his eyes shut before shaking his head side-to-side and digging a digit into his right ear canal, trying to dislodge the mental image and whatever the heck he'd broken in there during the beating he'd received. "Bunny say what-now?"

Judy huffs a little, looking down again. "My dad. He kicked you. In... in the face."

Silence reigned for about a minute, broken by the distant sounds of traffic and Nick's almost childlike 'Why?'.

"I'm sorry Nick, he just- he didn't see you until you jogged up to me and he kind of freaked out."

"... But he kicked me? In the face? I'm taller than you."

Judy looked back up and met Nick's eyes. "He's been trying to get fit! He took up some stupid martial arts thingy after I became a cop and never told me and- and... and he kicked you in the head and I can not _believe_ that _idiot_ is the buck who raised me!"

Her sentence started in a pleading-for-forgiveness tone and ended sounding more like she was about to launch into a murderous rage. Nick is far too smart to fall into the trap of using his mouth right now, so he swallows thickly- it is _not_ gulping down his fear at a fuzzy little mammal who barely comes up to his shoulders- and takes stock of the situation.

He had apparently met the Hopps' at some point. Mr Hopps had ninja'd him in the face so hard he forgot some amount of time between being given time off and now. Judy was _very_ angry. He was down a tooth, lisped if he didn't concentrate and had a headache that rivalled the last time he had tried a monstrosity that some barkeep had called 'proper country moonshine'. All in all, it could have been worse.

"Where're your folks now?" he asked, hoping to defuse the ticking, fluffy, anger timebomb wearing a pink plaid button-down she'd had since forever-and-a-day.

"Hotel."

"Shall we go say hi again?"

"Later."

"... Can you please not be angry any more?"

Judy at least pretended to think for a moment before growling out "No."

* * *

An hour and a half later, Nick and Judy had walked to the hotel Stu & Bonnie were staying in. The duo had gone in, managed to find the correct room and avoided any surprise attacks by Kung Fu Bunny. Judy had knocked, citing that it was her parents in the room. Nick knew it was more to stop him getting hit by a roundhouse.

Bonnie Hopps had answered the door, hugging Judy tightly before fussing over Nick a little and pulling him forward. Stu was forced to stand in front of Nick, cap in paws and for some reason Nick couldn't figure yet it gave him the weirdest sense of deja vu. The apology was heartfelt, and Nick accepted almost instantly, if only to save Stu from the glares coming from the two Hopps ladies. Judy on her own was bad enough, but she definitely got that stink-eye from her mother and apparently her sparring prowess from her portly father.

The rest of the time the quartet spent together was frittered away over the next two days with walks in parks, sight-seeing tours of Zootopian landmarks, including a quick visit to the foyer of the precinct and a passing chat with Chief Bogo that left the Hopps parents boggling at the sheer scale of the building and it's occupants. Nick and Judy were the smallest of the duty officers and it showed from the size of the tiles that made up the floor to the chairs, desks, pencils and folders they were meant to use every day.

Eventually, the time came for the country bunnies to depart, albeit with less violence. Stu and Nick shook paws, Nick flinching for effect when Stu offered his first, and hugs were shared between the more diminutive trio. Bonnie did give Nick a hug as well, which he handled quite well if his 'deer frozen in a spotlight' impersonation could be called 'well'.

As the train doors hissed closed and the ZPD officers waved goodbye, Nick had looked sidelong at Judy and asked "Why the hell do I keep remembering the smell of cabbage?"

Judy didn't reply at the time, and no matter how much he asks in the future all she'll tell him is that it's for the best he forgets it.


	3. A Sickly Pup

The second time that Judy meets Nick's mother is just as memorable as the first, albeit for very different reasons.

Judy had been sitting at the only desk in the ZPD that was built to accommodate her and her partner's stature. Most other officers were classed as 'talls' while she and Nick were 'shorts'. If ever there was a mouse officer, he or she would be the very first 'small' and would probably have an office installed underneath her desk for safety from the large feet that she and Nick managed to avoid. Mostly.

Her nimble paws _clicked_ softly on her keyboard as she filled out some paperwork relating to a string of petty robberies she and Nick had cracked a few days before. The administration work was boring but necessary, and for today entirely Nick's fault. He'd been off sick for two days with a virus of some sort and given the choice between paperwork or borrowing that meter-maid buggy again...

She typed on.

Judy's drudgery was interrupted by a small commotion as a navy and red blur whipped past the desk and began cowering behind it. "What the- Nick?" she said, standing abruptly at the sudden interruption.

Nicholas P. Wilde, reformed con-fox and brave officer of the law, was practically shivering in fear and his eyes were wide. Pupils like pinpricks focussed on her and she reached out a paw to him in concern.

"Nick, I-" she said.

"Sit down, Judes. Please! Just pretend I'm not here." he interrupted.

Judy's concern grew and she did as he told her, mindlessly tapping her rather puny claws against the keys to imitate the noise of typing without ruining her reports with nonsense. "Nick," she said, keeping her mouth as still as she could and talking quietly. "What's wrong?"

Nick gave a sickly-sounding sniffle and peered over the top of the desk. "Mom."

Judy's ears perked slightly as she raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What?"

"My _mom_ is looking for me."

Judy blinked slowly, trying to process his logic. "I... Nick, you still sound sick. Why is your mother looking for you?"

"Judes, I just need you to keep me hidden for a while, okay? Just keep me out of her way."

"Whose way, Nicky?"

Judy nearly jumped into the air in fright as Vivian Wilde's voice came from behind her computer screen, right next to where Nick was hiding but still in his blind-spot. Nick gave a frightened yell and _did_ leap, twisting his body in mid-air to come down muzzle-and-paws-first into Francine's trash-can. Balled-up reports and first-drafts exploded from the waste basket as they were displaced by Nick's body and he sank up to his waist in the rubbish while a frantic scrabbling sound could be heard. _Is he... digging?_ Judy wondered, her heart still beating a few dozen times per second. _And where in the name of all things fluffy did Vivian come from?_

"Nicky, you really need to stop this foolishness." Vivian said, padding softly to the waste basket that was almost as tall as she was. The scrabbling stopped as Nick apparently resigned himself to fate. There was little dignity to be had, however, as his tail and legs were pointing almost directly at the ceiling. Granted, he was wearing his uniform, but Judy heard the tell-tale _chick_ sounds of camera-phones taking pictures from around her.

Nick's reply was muffled by the paper, but it sounded whiny.

"Nicholas, stop being such a little pup and come out of there. You're still ill and I am not having you infect your colleagues just because you don't like being 'bored'." Vivian said in a very matronly tone, like Nick was an eight-year-old who just wanted to go outside and play instead of sitting inside.

Judy stifled a nervous chuckle as Nick slowly wrestled himself from Francine's trash-can with a little help from the elephant herself. Vivian brushed off a few stray post-its that had stuck to him and grabbed his paw. "Now, we're going home and you are going to rest. I shouldn't have turned my back on you; you're as bad now as you ever were for pretending you're fine." she said.

Judy couldn't hide her grin. Nick was a little taller than his mother, but his ears lay flat against his skull and she couldn't help but think of how _cute_ he must have looked doing that when he was a kit. _And he'd have been smaller than me too!_

Nick grumbled a little as Vivian started walking, pulling him gently by the paw. Judy caught a last pleading look from Nick that begged her for help and her heart broke inside her chest.

"Vivian?" She said, hurriedly locking her screen and hopping down from her chair.

Vivian stopped and smiled at Judy. "Hello, sweetheart. Sorry, he's a bit boisterous when he's sick."

"I... was just wondering if you needed a ride home?" Judy asked.

Vivian's smile grew a little. Nick grumbled more. "That would be wonderful, Judy, thank you. Nicky would probably just say I was embarrassing him if I had to drag him on the bus."

'Nicky' gave Judy a look that said he would probably jump in front of the bus if his mother had tried.

"I see," Judy said, shooting a quick glance at Chief Bogo who was eyeing her from across the room. The cape buffalo nodded once, slowly, without breaking eye-contact. Judy was fairly certain he, like most other mammals with line of sight to the exchange between her and the Wildes, had his phone in his hand and was stocking up on blackmail material. "Well, shall we get a car then?"

Judy didn't wait for an answer, leading the way through the precinct to the underground car park where hers and Nick's cruiser was kept.

* * *

Judy slowly brought the cruiser to a halt. She'd driven extra-carefully through the city as she followed Vivian's directions, eventually pulling up outside of a well-kept town house in a quieter district of Savannah Square. Vivian thanked her for the ride and hopped out of Nick's usual seat, the male fox having been relegated to the barred-off back seat. Vivian had asked Judy to make a point of checking that Nick couldn't escape and hadn't relented until Judy had agreed to engage the locks that were usually only used when a criminal or suspect occupied the car with them.

Judy unlocked the doors, helping Nick out. He had fallen asleep, snoring a little as his illness affected his breathing, and snuffled pathetically as she and Vivian led him into the house.

Judy took in the surroundings as she helped Nick through the hall and followed Vivian. The house was clean but homely, reminding her of a less-chaotic version of her own home. A few nick-nacks and ornamental flower pots decorated the house and when they eventually reached the lounge and deposited Nick on a sofa that already had a blanket on it, she couldn't help but notice a small series of framed photographs on the mantle above a decorative hearth.

Vivian had simply gave the smirk that Nick had inherited and plucked the frames down for Judy to see. Judy gave Nick a look, but he was asleep again and wrapped in the blanket.

"Here you are, Judy," Vivian said as she passed her the first picture. "This is Nicky when he was a little pup. He must have been about six months in this."

The little ball of black, red and white fur that looked somehow fluffier than any of her brothers and sisters ever had been nearly made Judy squeal. This couldn't be the wise-cracking, conniving, infuriating and flirty fox that she dealt with every day... could it?

Vivian grinned at her. "I know. Every time he comes home from work I keep thinking of when he was _that_ instead and it makes me giggle. The big bad fox who keeps the streets safe used to be this adorable little todd who _loved_ being tickled."

Judy couldn't hold back the 'aww' that came from her mouth. Never one to fawn over young nor really even one to want them, she could still appreciate adorable when she saw it.

The next frame was handed over, this time displaying a beaming fox pup of about ten years of age. Obviously Nick again, he was stood straight and his eyes were almost closed with how wide he was smiling. One paw was raised in a smart salute, almost as crisp as the one he had given her at his graduation, and he was dressed in a deep forest green-

Judy froze. _Scout uniform._

Vivian's smile grew sad as she saw Judy flinch slightly. "I see that he told you." she said softly. Vivian took the picture back and set it back in place on the mantle. "I keep that one there to remind me how carefree and happy he can be at times, despite the darkness that comes with growing up. Nick doesn't tell anyone about what happened, but if he trusted you enough for you to know then that says great things about your friendship, Judy."

"I... I still can't believe that he had to experience that." Judy said, voice hoarse with emotion. Vivian's paw landed on Judy's shoulder.

"I know. But then again, we all have stories, Judy. I know I'm getting on, but I can still recognise claw-scars when I see them. I won't ask, but from the look of them you've had them since you were about the same age as Nick was when he put on that uniform."

Judy swallowed thickly and put a paw on her left cheek. Her tongue felt like it had swollen in her mouth. "It was Gideon," she said, "I-I mean, a kid I grew up with called Gideon. He was a little older than me and I was too caught up playing at being a police bunny and helping my friends when he bullied them."

"I see. Did you win?" Vivian asked, smiling kindly.

Judy smiled a little. "Kind of, I guess. He'd taken something from my friends and I got it back when he did... what he did." she said, giving a nervous laugh. "We're alright now; I met him back in my home-town a while ago and he apologised. It was so strange; I stood up to the bully and beat him at his own game, decided I wasn't ever going to give in and I've barely felt scared any time since, and yet I spent so many nights after having nightmares about having another fox claw my-" Judy's paws slapped over her mouth as she realised what she had said. Vivian's eyes had widened a little and she had lifted her paw away from Judy's shoulder. "Sweet Easter! Mrs Wilde, I-"

Judy froze as she found herself enveloped in a hug. "Judy Hopps, you are a wonderful creature. How on earth did you resist macing my son when you first met him?"

"I- huh- what?"

Vivian let go and moved back slightly. "Judy. Nick is a wonderful, smart young fox with a heart of gold but a tongue like a razor and until recently a somewhat cavalier attitude towards authority figures. I know you met him when you were already a police officer, and he was still doing who-knows-what with his friend Finnick, so I can only imagine the willpower or power of forgiveness needed to not take what happened to you as a kit and react badly to Nicky. I'm no rabbit, that's as sure as can be, but if a wolf had done that to me when I was a little vixen and I met a wolf just like Nick... well. I'd need a new can of Pred-Away."

Judy blushed and looked back at Nick. She smiled a little and turned back to Vivian, giving the fox a sly look. "I managed to resist the urge til about ten minutes after I started talking with him, but by that point it was too late to call it self-defence."

Vivian's eyes went wide before she burst out laughing.

* * *

Judy and Vivian sat for a while, chatting about Nick's antics as a youngster and giggling quietly while he slept soundly on the sofa. His uniform was sure to be rumpled, but given how ill he seemed he probably would have time to launder it again and get the creases out.

Judy took a quick look at the face of her watch and sighed. She had been away from the station for just over an hour now and decided to head back. She made her apologies to Vivian and headed for the door. At the threshold she paused and turned back to Vivian, who was seeing her out.

"Vivian," Judy said, "I have to ask. Does Nick still live at home with you, or is he just here for the time being? I've never seen his place."

Vivian smirked. "Oh Judy, you have seen his home. You're standing in it. _I'm_ the guest here."

Judy's eyes widened in shock. "But... but the place is spotless, and there's _doilies_ , and you said _you_ kept the pictures on the fireplace, and-"

Vivian laughed. "Judy, I rent a room from him. This was mine and his father's house for years but one day, when money was a little tight, he came home one day and sat me down. I think it was the first time I saw him wearing a tie properly, never mind the full suit he was in. 'Mom, I want to buy the house from you' he said. I thought it was a joke at first, but he had the proper paperwork in a little folder and a cheque made out and everything. I thought I was just humouring him by signing the papers and thought it would just be a little story to tell, but he kept pestering me to cash the cheque in. One morning I was in the bank anyway and I thought 'why not?' and handed it over, expecting it was a practical joke... and three days later the money was in my account. So now I rent a room from my son and look after him a little instead of paying for it."

Vivian winked at Judy. "Besides," she carried on, "this way if he ever brings a vixen home I can break out the pup pictures in record time."

It took a while for Judy to recover from laughing enough to drive back to the station. When she did eventually return to work she nearly passed out from laughter at the seemingly-thousands of pictures of Nick hiding in Francine's waste basket, running at full speed from his mother and being escorted to the car park like a naughty school-kit, all taped onto walls and Nick's computer monitor and chair. As it was, she typed the rest of her reports up with tears of laughter blurring her vision.


	4. A Brief Interlude

_The rain lashed down upon the car, bright slashes of refracted headlights preceding my journey through the night as the full beams illuminated the falling water. Trees and fields passed the windows as I made my way down the motorway in the cab of an old, slightly rusty and beaten pick-up a friend's father owned. Said friend had loaned it some time ago and it was long-past due a return, but I'd been able to talk my way into hijacking it at least for a little while. The sound of a static-laced rendition of 'Blues is my middle name' warbled from the radio as more and more countryside got between the antenna and whatever radio tower I was relying on. Soon enough, I just knew it was going to give out entirely and I'd find myself making this trip in deafening silence once more._

 _Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and there'll be some local pirate station operated by a mammal with taste. I let out an amused huff; there's probably more chance of finding a decent bar where the beer isn't watered and the whiskey isn't spoiled._

"Nick, I swear, if you do _not_ stop narrating this trip like some hard-boiled noir movie PI, I am going to crash us into a tree."

 _The small grey doe in the driver's seat had taken over the driving about an hour before, and she kept the car straight for now but I could see the corner of her right eyelid twitch every now and again as her frustrations with me grew. It would only be a matter of time before she ended us both with a shriek of steel and a ball of flames. All it would take is a harsh tug on the steering wheel and that'd be the end of it._

"Nicholas. Seriously."  
"... I'm bored."  
"I'm Judy; darned pleased to meet 'ya, Bored."  
"That joke is as old as the hills."  
"And yet still somehow better than your little monologue."  
"I will have you know that I am an extremely good narrator."  
"You just love the sound of your own voice."  
"Who _wouldn't_ love a voice like this?"  
"Me. I don't like your narrator voice."  
"You are boring and wouldn't know awesome if it bit you."  
"I would _so_ know if I had been 'bitten by awesome'."  
"I've bitten you, ergo you _have_ been bitten by awesome."  
"I've been bitten by _you_ , not _awesome_. You are like your taste in music and shirts; old, tacky and behind the times. Stuck about a decade in the past."  
"There is _nothing_ wrong with Bray Charles. That zebra is a legend in his own time, and my shirts are _fashionable_. And you can say whatever you like, I happen to _know_ you enjoyed being bitten by me."  
"Uh-huh... sure thing, Nick. Being nibbled by you was _easily_ one of the most enjoyable experiences of my entire life. Just thinking about it makes me hot; I want you, I need you, oh baby oh baby."  
"... Could you say that again, only this time instead of rolling your eyes and saying it completely deadpan maybe put a little emotion into it. I could spend the next however-long having some _really_ awesome dreams."  
"No."  
"Spoilsport. How much longer to Bunnyburrow?"  
"Another hour and a half, if the road is still this clear and the rain doesn't let up. An hour if it stops in the next five minutes; I can speed up a bit then."  
"How wonderful."  
"It'll be over before you know it."  
"If _Kung-Fu Bunny_ has been practising his damned face-kicks recently, it won't matter how long the trip is and I'll have the experience knocked out of me for good once more."  
"Nick, my dad has said he's sorry-"  
"I know! And I forgave him a long time ago; hell, he even paid for me to get that enamel tooth implanted, but _all_ of you refuse to tell me about what actually happened."  
"... There's good reasons why."  
"Good _cabbage-and-cinnamon-scented_ reasons? What even _smells_ like that?!"  
"... I can't say."  
"I just want to know. Please. It can't be that bad- you just winced."  
"What, me? Uh... no-no-no, not me. Nuh-uh. I, er... a bug hit the windscreen."  
"... One of these days, Judy, I will find out."  
"... We're all sworn to secrecy. For your own good."  
"Well that is just _dandy_ , isn't it?"  
"It's for your own good, I swear."  
"We'll see, Fluff. We'll see."

"..."

 _I settled back into the threadbare upholstery of my seat, the faded fabric embracing me uncomfortably. I could practically feel the aged material trying to leech pigment from my red fur in an attempt to give itself life once more, and_ -

"Nicholas Piberius Wilde, if you start that again I _will_ kill us both."  
"Okay, okay; fine. Jeez..."


End file.
